


It Ain't Pretty, But It's Mine

by Toastiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-12 19:04:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10497555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toastiel/pseuds/Toastiel
Summary: Bobby tries to decide if he should stay or go.





	

It wasn’t supposed to end like this. He had no idea how it was supposed to end, but he knew this couldn’t possibly be it. There was so much work left to do, so many monsters left to fight. The boys - his boys, they needed him now more than ever. He couldn’t just leave them like this. They had already lost their mother, and their father. Hell, they’d lost each other a time or two. They couldn’t lose him, too. 

If he was honest, he didn’t want to lose them. Those idjits were practically his anyhow. He’d raised them just as much, if not more, than John Winchester ever had. He tried to give them a chance at something more, something better. They both deserved it.

The life of a hunter was never meant to be easy. Long days, longer nights, no attachments, no stability. Bobby had lucked up in that he managed to maintain a residence, but even he had spent his fair share of time on the road, living out of a duffle in cheap motel rooms or the back seat of a car. It was no life for an adult, much less two children, but those boys survived it. Not that they’d ever had much in the way of a choice about how they were raised, being thrust into the life like a couple of baby birds getting tossed from the nest. 

Sink or swim. That was John’s way. Always the Marine, never the father. Sad as it was, Bobby was alright with that. He’d gladly take up the mantle and be what his boys needed him to be.

Sam tried to get out. Bobby was proud when he’d called to tell him he’d been accepted to Stanford. He made a good run of it too, but then John had to pull his disappearing act, scaring Dean into dragging Sam back in. 

Dean tried to get out, too. He almost did, but he just couldn’t let go of the life enough to do it. Besides, he had enemies from this life, and with the threat of something happening to Lisa and Ben, he just couldn’t do it. So he’d crawled his way back in. 

As it turned out, neither of them were ever meant to live any other life. Their fates had been chosen for them once again, this time it would seem by God and Heaven. He wondered if by the end of the botched apocalypse and Castiel’s little stunt with Purgatory, that maybe they had both simply accepted it as the way things were. At least they weren’t alone. He knew that’s what they were thinking. At least, if nothing else, they had each other. More than that, they had this fucked up mess of a family. It wasn’t much, but it was theirs, and Bobby was damn proud of it. 

Now he was being told he had to leave it all behind? What kind of fucked up bullshit was that? He couldn’t just leave. Dick Roman and his lot were taking over. His boys needed him for this fight. They couldn’t do it on their own. No, they shouldn’t have to do it on their own. It wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair. 

Since when is life fair, though? It had never been fair to him. Hell, Sam and Dean were the first good things to happen to him since he’d met Karen. He wasn’t just going to roll over and let them suffer alone because he was weak. He’d live if it killed him. 

“Choose, Robert.”

Damned Reaper. Bobby knew he had to be enjoying this, watching Bobby turn into a total mess as his memories disappeared around him. 

“Now. You’ve nowhere left to run. Choose.”

He knew what choice he wanted to make, but he didn’t know if he could. He’s seen it happen a thousand times and it never ended with a happily ever after. He was dying, and he couldn’t fight that, couldn’t change it no matter how much he wished he could. So two options remained. 

He could stay here, become one of the things he’d spent decades hunting. Or he could go with the Reaper into whatever lay beyond. He looked at the scene before him, Sam and Dean sharing a beer, watching tv, laughing and enjoying life for one brief second. He couldn’t leave them. He just couldn’t. It had nothing to do with the fact that he was scared of what awaited him beyond this life. Heaven or Hell, he could manage with either. What he couldn’t manage was the guilt he knew he’d feel. Guilt at abandoning his family, at leaving his boys alone in the world. He just couldn’t do it. 

“I ain’t goin’.”

“Robert, please. You know how this path will end. Is that really what you want?”

“It ain’t about what I want. It’s about them.” He nodded towards the memory of the young men on his sofa. “They need me. I might not be able to live, but I sure as Hell ain’t gonna leave.”

“How is that fair to them? They have to watch you die, now. They have to bury you. Are you really going to make them have to kill you later?”

Bobby wasn’t willing to admit it, but the Reaper had a point. He was being selfish. He knew somewhere down the line that that was exactly how things would go. But wasn’t he allowed to be selfish for once? Wasn’t he allowed to have this one thing? He just wanted a little bit more time. What was so incredibly wrong about that? He deserved to be selfish. 

“What part of ‘I ain’t goin’ don’t you get, ya idjit?”

“Very well. You’ve made your choice. Do expect an ‘I told you so’ when next we meet.” With that, the Reaper vanished, leaving him alone in the office of his darkening house, Sam and Dean slowly fading from view as their lighthearted laughter echoed around him. 

It was strange, what happened next. He thought it might hurt a bit, but it didn’t. He just went to sleep. When he woke up, he was watching his own body burning on a pyre from the back of the Impala. He still felt like himself. His thoughts were still his. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe this could work. 

“You alright, Sammy?”

“Not really. You?”

“Hell no. It didn’t hurt this bad when we lost Dad.”

“Think it’ll ever stop? Us losing people.”

“What’s left to lose? Mom, Dad, Jess, Lisa, Ben, Cas...Now Bobby. We’re all that’s left, baby brother. Just you and me.”

“It’s not fair.”

“Yeah, I know it isn’t.”

“I’m right here, ya idjits.”

“Can you still feel him, too? Or am I going crazy?”

“You’re already crazy.”

“Dean.”

“Yeah, I still feel him. I can still hear him calling us ‘idjits.’ It’s kinda creepy.”

Bobby looked in the rearview mirror and heaved a sigh. They couldn’t see him. ‘Guess it’s not gonna be as easy as I thought.’ 

“Balls."


End file.
